Love. Life and death.

It has been a week that has left me weak.

A tough, kick-in-the-thigh-to-bring-me-to-my-knee type of week.

On Tuesday afternoon I was given the news that a friend and fellow rider had been killed earlier that morning. A single vehicle accident, he died doing something that he loved -  riding his motorcycle, and I like to believe that he was smiling from ear to ear, enjoying the cool morning air as it whipped past him, right up until the moment that tragedy reared it’s irrevocable head in a moment that cost the world a beautiful soul, that leaves our riding club with tears in our eyes, lumps in our throats, and a- chuckle-of-a-memory at times that we were blessed to share with a wonderful man.

Rest in peace, Swapnil. And find some twisties to show me when I get there brother.

There was to be a memorial of sorts at our weekly meet and greet this evening. I do not know how it went. I was not there.

I could not spend anymore time, or energy, around death today.

I spent all day with two different woman, each engaged in their own very personal battles to stave off that dark shadow.

Two woman whom I am honoured to call friend. Women that I love very, very much. Who each, in their own way, compliment my life in a manner that I could not have imagined possible a few short years ago.

Before i began to understand what it means to truly love another.

I used to think that love was dependant upon reciprocation.
I became free when I learned the truth. That love depends only upon the ability of one individual to connect with another. And I have been blessed with an ability to connect with people. And so, to love.

I have mentioned my friend Susie in a few previous posts. I have written of her current battle with the big ‘C’.

I have told you that I love her.

God I wish that were enough. I wish that the love that I have for this woman was enough to take away her fear.

Enough to bring her solace.

Enough to make everything okay.

But life is not that simple, is it? No. Not by a long shot.

Susie was in emerg twice over the last 5 days. A simple infection – something you or I would not give much thought to, in normal circumstances – poses a threat. And strikes a chord of fear.

I fucking hate this disease. And I know, so don’t you dare tell me to be happy it is not me. The truth is, I would trade places with Susie in less than a heartbeat if I could.

All that I can do, however, is to be there for her.

 And be there I will.

 For that is what love does.

I love you Susie.

I have not mentioned my other friend before today. And in truth I cannot say much yet, as I don’t yet know how much she will be comfortable with me writing about in my blog.

But I can tell you a little of what is going on.

After 30+ years, she has had enough. She cannot go on doing what she has been doing. She wants to change her life.

And she has reached out to me for a helping hand.

If you have never had a person whom you love come to you and ask you for help, then you can not possibly understand what a humbling experience it can be.

All the more so when you consider that at one time we were business partners, of a sort. Co-conspirators in the world of using and selling drugs. In the dealing of death. In the killing of ourselves. Slowly. And painfully.
Without the ability to care. Or to love. And barely even noticing life, all the while darkly wanting it to end.

 Somehow.

I have written about my moment of change. And my friends, I believe that this woman is there. I am excited – and even told her how excited I am – about the possibilities that lay before her.

About the life that she can have.

This is a story that I believe deserves to be told. And that you just may enjoy reading. So over the next few weeks, I am going to introduce you to my friend, this woman that I love. This soul who has reached out for help, and complimented me by asking me to grasp onto her outstretched hand.

For this moment.

I have grasped back. For that is what love does.

And I love you Mona.

I try to count my blessings on a regular basis. To keep me grounded. To keep me here, and now. To help keep me clean and sober.

These two women are blessings in my life. And I thank you God, for these, and all of the blessings in my life.

Good night fellow writers, readers and riders. And God Bless.